Marriage and Family Therapist Explains Questions To Ask Before Counseling

marriage and family therapist

Are You Ready for Counseling?

Often a marriage and family therapist will see a couple with real marital problems.  But according to some marriage counselors, there are a few questions that a couple can ask to let them know if they are going to get any solutions to their relationship from a marriage and family therapist.

 1.  Are you willing to do the work asked by your counselor?

Some marriage and family therapists say over half of the battle is the decision by both parties in the relationship to work through the issues.  One famous marriage and family therapist explains,”Love is a choice, whoever decided that they could fall out of love with someone, did exactly that…they decided!”  It is not simply enough to attend counseling.  Couples must be willing to open up to their most honest thoughts before true ground breaking change can occur.

2.  Have you already moved out?

Not only out of  the house, but have you already just moved out of the bedroom?

Marriage and family therapists encounter couples deciding to make swift decisions about their circumstances often just before counseling.  They may do this to see if it will actually help ease the tension in the relationship.  For example, one person moves into another bedroom or out of the house thinking giving the other person space is one of the best things they could offer…wrong!  Unless physical abuse is present, moving out is typically a bad decision.  Although the conflict level may diminish, that’s only because the couple is separated not because any real progress is happening.

When one person moves out, they tend to need a major change to move back in rather than an incremental breakthrough.  Basically, an object at rest stays at rest so it will be harder to move back in after moving out.  This is not a good thing for a couple on shaky ground!  Moving in was most likely a big decision to begin with so adding all the baggage of marital issues, bitterness, anger, etc. make working things out a much longer process.

family and marriage therapist

It’s Not Too Late To Reconcile

 3.  Are you thinking of a new relationship already?

Or perhaps you are already in a new relationship?  If you have already began a new relationship, a marriage and family therapist will tell you that therapy is not going to work.  Only one relationship at a time allows outside influences to be minimized during therapy.  Although some couples that have had affairs have been able to reconcile, it is far less likely.  According to statistics if either of the couple enters marriage counseling while already in another dating relationship the chances of success are minimal.

 4.  Are you open to a Marriage and family therapist with a religious perspective?

There are a variety of marriage and family therapists that see patients regularly, and many of them view counseling from a religious perspective.  Person centered counseling discourages a religious context during counseling.  However, nouthetic counseling is the method chosen by a marriage and family therapist that desires to offer solutions in the relationship from a biblical viewpoint.  Some people think biblical christian counseling can be too rigid, but understanding how each individual was created can help both men and women understand why they may fight or disagree.

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